Mama wants to know.

She said she had a few questions in response to my last post. (She also said she enjoyed reading the posts so I should please keep sending them.  And that I should take some time out away from the work for reflection and writing of your own. So how can I not answer the woman?)

1)    Have you been doing some cooking?

I believe this question was prompted by my vehement declarations that I was going to start cooking again when I got back to Indonesia because it makes me happy and relaxes me. And my answer is, sort of. I made spring rolls and peanut sauce, put together some Mexican-ish dishes supplemented by the maid’s yellow rice, made pesto and threw together a couple variations on penne pasta with it, and made a tofu squash thing with couscous for dinner with my roommate. But it’s a month since I’m back so with just that, my batting average is kinda low. Maybe this weekend.  … What I really need to do is figure out a way to learn to cook some Indonesian stuff. Hmmm…

  

2)    Have you had a chance to take the Kopaja to see the ice cream parlor, or in other words, have you had a chance to do some touristy-type stuff exploring, or has it been solid work 24/7 since you got back?

No on the first part but also no on the second part. A few slip ups aside I’ve been keeping more or less human hours at work and while I did work one weekend, am taking a day off to make up for it (well, haven’t yet but plan to at some vague point in the future). I still have some report editing hanging over my head from my old contract so there’s that to fit in… but one can only do so much with the brain cells one has.

My evenings and weekends have been spent otherwise on

·      Boxing lessons

·      Brunches

·      Grocery shopping and little window shoe shopping

·      Sitting by a pool

·      Pedicure

·      Movie nights

·      Coffee dates

·      Drinking in bars (also, randomly, eating some amazing Afghan lamb in one)

·      Reading in a café

·      Chatting with my uncle

·      Hosting dinner

·      Playing with the cat

·      Talking to a few friends back home

·      Pizza party

·      Bowling

·      Margarita night with a bunch of Australian women

·      Staying in with a friend, drinking wine and ordering in and watching the 18-month-old’s bathtime

3)    What do you do when things go wrong in the house?  

4)    Do you have a handy person to call?  

5)    And is that part of your expense, or the owner's expense?

Mainly I make the most of it until the maid comes in. She has a handy man on call. Although he seems to be MIA due to landlord health issues (not totally clear on the connection but that’s the story we’re getting.) I think my roommates aka my immediate landlords pay for stuff they shouldn’t to avoid the hassle of dealing with the actual owner of the house. So now that that’s been established as the pattern if I take over the lease that’s probably what will keep happening. (Notice the “if”? – yeah, that’s a whole story. For later.)

6)   You talked quite a bit about the expat experience.  I wondered what you were referring to in your background where the expat was looked down upon? 

Other than backpacking/straight tourism, every previous experience living abroad prior to Indonesia I have been surrounded by, well, expats for lack of a better term, who were immersed or trying to be in “the local culture” and who looked down on the people who plopped in w/o any interest or at least effort in that regard.  (I’m realizing in my wisdom of old age and different circumstances it’s not quite that black and white of course; see my previous post.)

7)   What do you mean by good kind of work? (in reference to a facebook post)

God only knows what specifically I was talking about but probably it was because I was talking about working on the weekend, which in principle is bad, but to have hours of totally uninterrupted time to sit and check things off the to do list feels like a real treat sometimes. My weeks otherwise lately have been one meeting after another with brief times in between to get halfway through writing an email or halfway through making a plan or budget decision or halfway through writing a job description or halfway through lunch.

The meetings are mainly good meetings by which I mean substantive and useful. Lately primarily they are consultations with people for the main project I’m working on – so basically I get to sit back and learn from people about a topic that interests me -- though also we are interviewing candidates for another project as well as working through some stuff together in my main project team.  Like today we almost got our field work plans for the end of the month solidified, and I also got the pleasure of meeting one on one with my team members to check in and hear what’s working and what’s not.

But still what would be really good is some time to hear myself think about what direction this project is going and respond to the inner alarm bells about needing to start putting some of what we’re learning into writing. I’ve got Monday and Tuesday blocked off for planning the writing process and starting a draft – on my “details shared” calendar nonetheless, testing the theory that saying a plan out loud to someone increases commitment. At the very least it will make my team remind me not to meet with then. Although I'll probably end up with outside meetings on there anyway.

I’m sure now Mom will have additional questions about my responses. Fire away Mama.

xox

M

Lebaran

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Hi all

I went to a party at an embassy apartment last night to watch the fireworks and celebrations marking the end of Ramadan and start of Eid ul-Fitr aka Idul Fitri aka Lebaran. I mention the embassy apartment bit mainly because the luxury apartment came with one of the best verandas of all times, so we could all crowd out there at watch the city celebrate from 25 stories up. Jakarta is relatively calm this time of year because a few (10? 15?) million people leave the city to go back to their hometowns, whether ancestrally or where they were actually raised up, to celebrate Lebaran. Which is a lovely treat traffic-wise for those of us that stay behind. (The threats of bar firebombings from a militant group of thugs only puts a minor inconvenience to things if you know where else to go.) It also made the celebrating last night manageable rather than the chock-o-block mess of traffic it could have been.

Jakarta from up high and especially at night can be quite beautiful, both much greener and even brighter and more sparkly than you imagine, and with fireworks of varying complexity and size going off as far as the eye can see against the sound drop of cars honking, the occasional bus full of revelers with drums, and the chanting from a competing number of mosque loudspeakers, it was a striking scene.

Being here for Lebaran and yet being quite content to be observing but not in the celebrations and not to have any particular invitation to someone’s family events to attend over the next 2 days to eat mounds of food and beg forgiveness for any wrongdoings I may have committed over the past year are both cause for reflection for me, or rather they feed into ongoing reflections: on what I’m doing in Indonesia (think, what in the world am I doing here? not, what do I do here for a living)?, on the nature of being an expat, on the draw of living abroad. 

The expat issue is a bit complicated for me, coming from a background of work and experiences in which being “expat” was something to look down on with more than a hint of disdain. Yet those previous experiences were chosen very purposefully because I wanted to experience those cultures, and were relatively short-term and time bound, and were structured as immersion experiences in which my substantive daily interactions happened largely with people from the place that I was staying and in their language. On the other hand I ended up in Indonesia largely on accident, without any particular passion for the culture or society and without any particular end in sight to the time here, and in environments that are dominated by other foreigners.

I do need to be able to operate in the social context, which I think I can do fairly well even in remote villages and in meetings with minor and not-so-minor government officials and the like; and I need to have a support network, the current state of which I’m fairly contented with. If that support network happens to be mostly other foreigners, that is a problem only philosophically. (It should be noted that even in my times as a volunteer, or doing field research, or studying abroad, or in the Peace Corps I relied on American and European friends for miniature escapes, to be able to be myself among people who more or less understand me as an integrated whole without needing explanation or defense of bits and pieces.)

What I realized I have done though, in being content with just those basic operational minimums, is shut myself off from the possibilities for adventure even here in Jakarta. And I define adventure in a very broad way: trying the unknown I suppose, or taking risks, or generally pushing into uncharted territory however small. For instance, one of the conversations I floated into last night was comparing horror stories and tips about using Jakarta public transportation and realized I’d never ridden a Kopaja mainly because I didn’t feel like dealing with the unknowns (how much does it cost, what are the routes, when do you pay, who do you pay, how do you signal to stop) especially since a taxi ride is a fully known quantity and is still quite cheap (though granted at least 10x more expensive!) Or, before my month off in the US, an old friend from my neighborhood growing up happened to be in Jakarta and I barely had anything to tell her about how to spend her couple days here, like for instance the location of Jakarta’s oldest ice cream parlor that my roommate pointed her in the direction of. Examples like these are partly the old you-don’t-see-what’s-in-front-of-you and also largely because I’m avoiding dealing with the unknown and thus resigning myself – confining myself --  to the max. 2 to 3 degrees of separation among friends and the same usual bars and restaurants and Saturdays spent at home or at the mall.

In that regard then, what is the point of living here? I can’t believe I’ve “turned” enough that it’s just the relatively higher standard of living that I can afford, or a stubborn resistance to a quiet predictable life path, or the constant exposure to extremely bright and motivated people, or the possibilities to work on projects that would be way above my league if I was on some career ladder somewhere. Although those things are nice enough, certainly I could create similar circumstances a few time zones closer to my nearest and dearest if I aimed for them, and in any case as I was smacked in the face with this summer there are equally appealing -- though very different -- plusses to living closer to home.

My sister thinks that if I move back home, I’ll get antsy and it won’t stick. And maybe she’s right, there’s certainly that precedent in my life. Though my recent aversion to adventure makes me think that any such antsy-ness would be a case of false grass-is-always greener. I’ll be faced very soon with a question of “what’s next?”. I’d like to answer that question with something more substantial than a 4-month work contract, which at this point has become a cop out way for me to avoid making real decisions about the direction my life is going to take. So for the time while I do still have definite commitments keeping me in Jakarta, I need to start making the most of being here. I need to rediscover if I really am adventurous, or if instead I’m resigned to the caricature expat role that I used to look down on, resignedly putting up with the sacrifices that come with living far from home while not attempting to inhabit or experience the place that I do live.

I’ll take the Kopaja to the ice cream parlor next weekend and report back.

Mohon maaf lahir dan batin: forgive my wrongdoings

xo

M

Another Jakarta return

Hi everyone

It's been awhile; I have a few of these drafted or half drafted and never seem to get them posted. I've been to Maluku Utara, had the most intense summer at home ever, came back and went very quickly into the most intense work months I ever want to experience, took a brief reprieve by traveling to Timor Leste and with a visit from and traveling in Java and Bali with my sister, and then wrapped up some projects and it was (US) summer again and time for -- it's maybe a little early to call it but I will anyway -- the annual trip home. 

I'll get those shared eventually. In the meantime I'm up at 3 in the morning possibly with jetlag or possibly because of the fucking mosquito infestation happening at my house right now and, assuming jet lag since I don't feel like putting on bug spray, realized I had promised a friend tips and tricks on jet lag and also realized this was yet another topic I wrote about already, in the context of another yet unposted letter. So I'm updating it and posting, dammit. For the jet lag tips see footnote (1).

While incredibly less intense by any objective standards than the previous summer, this recent trip home had its own set of questions and issues such as what am I doing with my life and how in the world did I end up in Jakarta and at what point do I start making other plans and how does one make life plans... I'll be working on that a bit, in and around work and play, as well as trying to make myself happy in Jakarta while I'm here. In part that means getting over how generally negative and specifically frustrated with this hard-to-love city that I was before I went back home. I'd like to think its fairly understandable that I developed a bit of a negative mindset working 19 hour days in a dysfunctional institution with a dearth of support and guidance in a role I was ill prepared and completely lacked confidence for about amidst shifting and unclear expectations. While thank goodness, the work situation has calmed down and improved significantly and for sure, the 19 hour days and pretty awful work environment is not my situation now -- and damned if I'm going to let anything like January to June happen to me again ever. Ever, ever. But I'm still here in Jakarta and I'm never going to love this city so part of aiming for being happy is trying to focus on the things that I do like about being here. 

Blocking out the 3 days I spent in a stupor with the runs in Singapore before that, nominally getting caught up with work while arranging my Indonesia work visa, the lovely few days that I just had made remembering things that I like about Jakarta quite a bit easier. Thursday and Friday were a couple solidly pleasant days of getting caught up in person at work. On Friday I also had lunch and got caught up with my uncle and then drank martinis with a bunch of my favorite Jakarta people at Face Bar which managed not experience a bomb threat by extremists, followed by an impromptu house party at apartment-with-a-view of one of said favorite people, then Saturday did a liquor store run -- always an adventure -- and feed-the-hangover lunch at Cork&Screw for its Hainan chicken rice and inexplicably extraordinary clam chowder, followed by an afternoon drinking Bintangs and reading by the Hyatt Hotel pool. I mention specifically the Hyatt Hotel because it's located right in the middle of Jakarta next to 2 of the biggest malls and therefore in an area that's fucking disastrous with traffic, but the pool area is on a 5th floor terrace covered in trees and is literally an oasis from the city outside. Then Sunday I went and saw a few other favorite Jakarta people at a Scusa free flow brunch and spent the afternoon cooking, which is one of the things I promised myself to start doing again with the end of the 19-hour work days. Monday work was again reasonably pleasant including lunch with one of said favorite Jakarta people and ended with an evening at home of martinis and homemade spring rolls and peanut sauce with yet one more such person.

That said that was pretty idyllic as weekends go and not necessarily the typical run of things and I'm sure it's going to get much more real again quickly enough (2). So, I'm saying things that I like, out loud, in no particular order, for my sake and yours:

• Indonesian food. Good shit. I could get into specifics but it might be depressing how much longer my list of specific foods that I like is compared to any other things that I like. So might save that for another time and just mention sweet tempe, soto ayam, sate bumbu kacang, yellow rice, stuffed tofu, perkedel, Ibu Ya's quail eggs, grilled chicken, grilled fish, dim sum, bakmi, rujak, doctored Indomie, and those dumplings by the Hotel Borobudur.
• My house. A little rough around the edges – we had to turn the water pump off the day that I got back yesterday since water running was spurting buckets worth out from around the shower tap, and the shower hot water heater is acting up -- but generally such a nice calm cool refuge. With personality.
• The amount that I learn in any given day.
• Indonesian people generally are really kind to strangers if you try to engage, and a smile is usually enough to engage 
• Playing between languages.
• My cat. He's not really mine and I know that’s crazy, I’m not a pet person and will probably never buy myself a cat, but this little cat my roommates rescued is in his own category and seeing his little broken tail waving around makes me happy
• Quality lounging-by-the-pool time just about any day of the year.
• My quote on quote circle, both 1^st degree and through my uncle (definitely some overlap but he’s been here a lot longer and is himself one of said extraordinary individuals, so you can imagine his circle!) is full of truly extraordinary minds and personalities and accomplished individuals, some of whom have become very dear to me on a personal level.
• Shopping for contemporary design that uses traditional material.
• Art in daily life.
• Earning real-ish money for the first time ever. (I’m ignoring the lack of benefits….We’ll get there.
• The lifestyle and luxuries that I can access and afford compared to what I would be able to elsewhere. (Yes, I have a maid.)
• The possibilities for truly unique adventure, both outside Jakarta but in the city too if you go looking for it, and buying a last minute plane flight to pretty much anywhere Indonesia/Asia is very possible for cheap. And to Australia as well apparently; that's happening.

While sometimes it’s nice to get a break in the real world, e.g. my trip to Dili which reminded me that Jakarta is its own little island, I also am grateful for the access that I have in Jakarta to things that in many parts of Indonesia and the world would not be possible. For instance, pretty continuous water and electricity; decent food from various culinary traditions (I could have noted that foods I enjoy here includes Indian food, and I’m betting Korean food though I haven’t found it yet, and some very decent Vietnamese food, and aforementioned clam chowder and such other random gems such as the Goods Diner tomato soup and the now-disappeared best sandwich ever at Canteen); the grocery stores regularly stock e.g. whole wheat flour, brown sugar, cheese, artichokes, American cereal, etc if you’re willing to pay for them; I have routine access to high speed wireless internet; while the food often disappoints the drinks at fancy shmancy establishments are often impressive; if I need to go to the mall and buy a shirt or a pair of undies, I can, as long as I accept that I’m size XL; I haven’t had to yet but I could pay all my utilities bills through the ATM; I don’t pay more than $12 - $15/month for phone service including full internet access; being able to buy phone minutes in just about any corner store.

So now that I'm feeling all positive it's now 5 a.m. and I might manage to doze off for awhile before the day starts, so I'll go ahead and leave this for now.  More to follow. Love you

M

(1) I think this is too late for the particular person who needed it -- sorry! -- but despite current evidence to the contrary I'm usually pretty good at keeping comfortable on long flights and on getting over the jetlag and I decided it should be written down somewhere: 

For jetlag

1. Drink lots and lots and lots of water. They never ever give you enough on board so buy a bunch after security and before you board. Though note that in Jakarta this is not possible and in stupid Seoul they will take it all from you before you board, at least if you're US-bound. On board, keep persistently asking for water, bring a water bottle and ask them to keep filling that up rather than giving you shitty little plastic glasses. They may resist but fuck ‘em, you need to hydrate, smile nice and keep asking.
2. Also for hydration purposes do not drink alcohol en route (OK, maybe one drink…). 
3. Set your watch/computer/devices to the time zone you’re going so you start getting in that mindset. 
4. Do your best to time your sleep w/ a normal sleeping time in your destination especially if you’re taking pills to sleep on the plane but really if en route you feel yourself falling asleep, sleep no matter what time is it, since sleep will be hard to come by especially in economy, 
5. For god’s sake, tell the flight attendants not to bother you if you’re sleeping (but tell them you’ll want your food later so they put some aside for you). 
6. Be very sure to stay up until at least 8:30 pm once you’re on the ground—do not let yourself nap! You’ll sleep through and be all off schedule for days and days. 
7. Once you're on the ground, in addition to (and to help with) forcing yourself to stay awake, get some sunlight -- indirect is good too but especially some direct vitamin D right into your skin helps your body realize what time zone you're in.

And in general for your packing comfort on long hauls: Bring an eye mask, chapstick, some extra scarves or sweaters to arrange yourself, socks (I usually wear flip flops and have socks in my bag, I proudly wear my flip flips over my socks to the bathroom), wear all-but-pjs and glasses for the plane ride but have a change of clothes handy to change into :45 or so before you land along with a toothbrush and some handiwipes and contacts… you’ll feel so much better when dealing w/ immigration and a new city etc if you’ve freshended up and are dressed normal. Ear plugs if you can wear them. Some reading material -- don’t forget some hardcopy versions for take-off/landing if you do most of your reading on a device -- and maybe an ipod is really all else that you need, especially if you have an individual movie screen (check before you go, in economy its not a sure thing, if the screens are shared, it might be worth downloading shows or movies onto a device to watch on the plane since the selection is usually not great and you can’t control when you watch.) Ooo also some healthy snacks to have on hand and the water bottle mentioned with regards to jet lag ass kicking.

(2) The goal is to not fixate on shit like the amount of time Indonesian women take in public bathroom stalls or the fact that the airport no-liquid rule is taken to the point of not even selling bottled water once you’ve passed security or in general the mindless adherence to really stupid rules or the very indirect communication styles or the horrendous traffic and lack of effective public transport or the almost standard disappointing food in fancy shmancy restaurants or a few key aspects of the professional situation I’ve gotten myself into or the large work-play overlap or the fact I’m 12 time zones away from most of my nearest/dearest or being photographed paparazzi style while walking down the street. I could go on but … that would defeat the purpose and the good residual feelings of the past 4 days.